An Update As I Emerge from the Ashes of July...

So it's August now, I'm not entirely sure how that happened.

I'm going to blame the general party and celebration climate that is Utah in July. As Movoto was kind enough to mention, as a state we tend to go a little crazy for Pioneer Day. What they didn't mention (to live here is to know): we don't exactly turn the party all the way off between the 4th and the 24th. Between Independence Day and Pioneer Day, Utahns have several town/city festivals, and even if we don't go to those we will have BBQs/picnics/hikes/general outdoor celebration and eating, because 'tis the season.

Of illegal fireworks.

My own hometown of Roy had some serious fire problems with the Roy Days show this year (which is bizarre, we never have problems), but I missed all that. I was driving home because I caught the office cold.

The only reason I don't feel like Cameron here is that my sweet best friend delivered me some Bolivian Chicken cure-all. Delicious and vicious (for viruses, that is).

Luckily, before the sickness hit in earnest, I got to spend some time at the Ogden Temple Open House! Hannah got tickets for me and it is GORGEOUS!

I wish they had pictures of the interior up because (and I never thought I'd say this when it was the 1972 design) guys, I think I'd almost rather get married here than in the Salt Lake one! 

So just while I was writing that last bit it started flooding here in Provo, the kind of rain that we jokingly termed "Hurricane Lavell" around this time last year when such sudden rains almost stopped the football game with the Texas Longhorns (almost). I love to run out and dance in rain like this, not only because I'm the token waterbender of our Avatar: The Last Airbender-loving friend group; in a turn of events that is probably weird for a born and bred LDS girl like moi, I feel a deep spiritual connection to the earth when it rains. 

So even though I still have a box of tissues beside me and getting rain-soaked is probably not the best idea, I went out and danced in it. I've not felt so fantastic in months. And even though it wasn't the safest move, it felt right. 

For a long time I've been playing it too safe, never taking a risk for any reason. But some risks are worth it, like striving and attempting to grow professionally or forging new relationships. Some are not, and sometimes I will mix the two up. But I grow tired of stagnation, and I'll never grow if I shut myself up in a safe little box. 

You know what? I'm headed out to the rain again while I still can. Ciao, bellas!

Post-Independence Day: Thoughts from Barbecues and Freeways

So, yes, I have not blogged in almost a month, which is bad. But that's okay; it just took me longer to organize collections of my thoughts. The first collection is about Independence Day.

For those of you who don't know, probably the place to have the most fun on Independence Day, at least social-media-wise, is Tumblr. For one day, the only major fandom goings-on are Chris Evans as Steve Rogers/Captain America. Everything else is eagles, the American flag, firework gifs, and American Tumblr users being uncontrollably excited about Independence Day. Which, I have to admit, is weird coming from a site that is usually cynical about governments in general, but especially the paralyzing polarization that currently grips American politics. 

I wish I had taken a screenshot of this when it crossed my Tumblr dashboard while I waited for my American Flag manicure to dry. 

The post was something to the effect of a non-American Tumblr user complaining about how annoying American Tumblr users are on the Fourth of July every year. Which is true; we do, as a group of internet users, tend to let go of self-restraint on this day. But then another Tumblr user, an American one like me, said that our government is falling to pieces and nothing is being done, the economy is crappy, etc, etc; all normal woes about government, politics, and life that real Americans worry over every day. The point that this Tumblr user made was that Independence day is our day to be annoying, ignore the political bullcrap that's tearing a great system down, and just celebrate America like everything is fine. 

Everyone had to admit that it was a heartbreakingly true statement; both about the state of the country and our mad scramble to celebrate as though each firework was a Gatsby-like party blocking out our pain and disappointment like a nation, a generation, in postwar denial. I tried to forget it too, but as the day wore on and we eventually drove to my Aunt's house for the annual barbecue, it hung like a recurring, almost unnoticeable specter on the sidelines of a crowded, peopled ballroom. All the people I knew and loved best were there, but if I were alone or silent and turned my thoughts even an instant in the wrong direction, it was there. 

It probably didn't help that, earlier that afternoon, my father and I had been having a discussion about ISIS and other such threats America faces. He can handle thinking of such things with a detached realism of thought and then go on, making jokes and enjoying himself. It's a talent of accepting injustice, possible danger, and oblivion which I have always envied. After that discussion, I sat on the couch where I had napped so often as a teenager and thought for a good half an hour about progression, generalization, and what lies in store for the nation. 

Then I decided to try putting it out of my mind and enjoying Independence Day with my extended family.I decided that I didn't want my day ruined by maudlin thoughts about political I couldn't control at present, especially on that day of all days.

And it genuinely helped. Maybe that's because I have an awesome family, full of strong women who defy stereotypes in every way possible, strong, beautiful superwomen whom I only hope I come close to as a wife/mother/woman someday. Maybe it's because my family is full of worthy priesthood holders who actually earn that descriptor and defy the odds I see on the internet and in the modern world by being some of the most respectful, pro-women men this world has ever seen. Maybe it's because my wonderful Grandma rode up with us and in her I see a better person from a better time surviving and thriving in this one, and because she sees the best in every single one of us. Maybe it's because our usual family game of free-form soccer that just happens every year without an establishment is good for the soul (especially when all my male cousins appreciate non-athletic Lindsey Bree's decent goalie skills by dropping the name "Tim Howard.") as well as for the body. 

Our wonderful food probably doesn't hurt. 

After that, I packed up and drove back to Provo so I could spend some weekend time with my besties there before Cherie went back to her life as SOAR Counselor extraordinaire and we didn't see her again for a bit. 

As I was driving back south along I-15, Utah's main artery/freeway, there were Official City firework displays and neighborhood displays. The hills were alive with the sound of explosions, and as I sped along back to Provo, they didn't sound like the explosions of a nation covering up disappointment and fear. What I saw was genuine celebration. 

Granted, Utah has a high population density of Mormons like me, and as a people we tend to take the divine ordination of America as a land of Freedom pretty dang seriously.  

{That was just one quote I found in an article from LDS Living about it, but there are more. I made this one into this piece of art because there just weren't any quotes about this made into art on Pinterest. Weird. Thanks to Jessica Allen for helping those of us not fortunate enough to own fancy software.}

But as I eventually drove back into Provo and watched the fireworks go off above Carrie Underwood and the entire capacity of Lavell Edwards Stadium, I began to feel genuine hope that this country is not beyond hope. If, as I believe to be true, this nation has been divinely ordained as a place of freedom, then logically He who ordained it will not allow it to slip into anarchy and oblivion. 

That night, as Jess and I wrote and swirled our solitary sparkler in the air outside our Loft-house, I felt genuinely blessed to live in this silly little imperfect democracy. And as I went to bed last night, I couldn't help but recall one of the final lines from a vlogbrothers Thoughts From Places video where John Green is attacked by a D.C. park squirrel: "For better or worse, the U.S. is just getting started."